With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
