Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
