Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Randomize
