dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
