Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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