halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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