i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
