FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
