shes about as inviting as chlamydia
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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