I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
