I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
