i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
