guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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