As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
