I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
