I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
