we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I will pee on everything he values.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
