I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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