I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
