Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
