you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
