$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
