I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I faked an abortion last night.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
