the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
