i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
she looked like the before picture.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
