thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
