apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
