I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
