He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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