My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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