he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
