Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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