He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
