You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I need to align my fucking chakras
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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