I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
How external is "for external use only"?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
