I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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