so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
