Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
