Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
