508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Girls should come with a carfax report
did i walk over a car last night?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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