can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
