Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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