I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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