P.S. I can't hear my feet
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
