Your face is a jimmy john
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Randomize
