I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
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