one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Dignity is for republicans.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
be right there i have to get my cape
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
