just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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