i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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