Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
