I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
love makes seman taste better
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I love you.
Bad choice
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
