i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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