Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
